I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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