I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am naked and annoyed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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