Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
