i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
