The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
