is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
