When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
