those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
