I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
