bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
