This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
