I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
