imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
