It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think my vagina is haunted
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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