so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
