I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
