apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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