I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
