So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
