This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My ass is underappreciated
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
