Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
