just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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