There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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