I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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