So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
