Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
