I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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