before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
