I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I could make wine with my vomit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
