he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
