I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
