He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
