I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
