You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
