She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
