Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
