hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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