We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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