whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
