her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
