i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
