You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
