My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
