This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
