Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
