im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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