all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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