you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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