scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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