It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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