Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
