Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
