Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
