KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
