The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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